Time for selfless moms to ask for and get what they need
I’m recovering from a rough night’s sleep…we were camping at Codorus State Park in a tent, I was cozied up in a seriously heavy duty sleeping bag my wife got from REI, beside my 4 year old who was curled up under a blanket with a thermal on. We fell asleep fast, and when I awoke at 2 a.m. because my cheek was basically frozen (35 degrees outside!), I thought, oh my gosh my poor little honey.
And I immediately traded places with him. I gave him the warm cocoon in which he slept perfectly sound and I shivered uncontrollably on a child-size air mattress with not-nearly-thick-enough blankets meant for a tiny human almost half my height.
So when I tiptoed into my parents’ heated camper this a.m. in my full winter gear, I sat in the dark holding freshly brewed hot coffee and thought about how, despite being totally cranky from my chilly sleepless night, I would do it all over again for him. My goodness, what wouldn’t I do for my little dreamboat?
What does this have to do with home organization?
I’m getting there. This is me, a mom and a professional organizer, telling you that it’s OK to be selfish if it means that YOU are (1) less anxious, (2) less overwhelmed, and (3) less in a shame spiral because you have made conscious choices to put your own needs first.
When my clients (and me!) make mindful choices to have boundaries around stuff, it looks like a tidier home, less compulsive/impulsive shopping, fewer fights and tantrums and tension.
Examples (in my own home) that help us maintain order and a sense of peace:
My wife Jess and I made a very intentional choice to keep our bedroom ours only. It is minimal and restful and our safe place to rest and restore. Our son’s toys, books, random knick-knacks—though they may end up on the bed or on the floor or randomly buried in our hamper—do NOT live in our room. We no longer allow and/or keep piles or a basket or two full of toys and books at the ready for him. We make it a point to have him return his belongings to his play space or bedroom each day.
Our most consistent family time is over dinner; we are firm in our rule that there are no toys on the table when we are eating together. Our dining room table, probably much like yours, is where all the action happens: arts and crafts, sensory play, science activities, prewriting, etc., and there’s a definitive start and end to those activities. These are temporary, we enjoy them, we put them away. Sometimes we get distracted and move into another room, but then (with cueing and encouragement) he clears the table before we sit down. Sometimes he refuses and so we work together to clear the space. This is part of our everyday routine. Toys don’t live here, and he knows that. This small table is NOT a home for items. (My wife and I hold each other accountable on our random stashes here too!)
Though our official dining room (converted to his play space)/living room are open concept, we have a clear division of space for the homes of his toys, books, and costumes. His belongings have designated homes—he gets to help decide what is in rotation, what lives where, how the space is arranged, etc. We play everywhere AND the first step of bedtime is the “reset” in which he returns his stuff to their respective homes back on his side. When we unwind after bedtime, it’s our peaceful nest again and we aren’t surrounded by clutter/more work to do.
Is this the case 100% of the time? No, of course not, we’re humans and he’s 4. We do our best. We normalize this as part of the daily routine. We model. We all pitch in, we narrate how we help one another to maintain our space. This is his home too, and with careful setup of the environment and daily rituals we all engage in, he too can help keep our home organized.
When we adhere to our boundaries around clutter, we show up as better partners and better parents. It’s all-around winning.
So, where are your clutter hotspots? Where are your pain points, and how can you set up boundaries with your partner and/or kids to better control this space? What system/routine/storage do YOU need (or what belongings do you need to let go of) to feel more calm in this area? Think on it, and reach out if you feel stuck: kim@consciouslyclearedandcontained.com