Guilty clutter and permission to let go
Know what really gets in the way of living with less clutter?
Our emotional baggage, mainly guilt. This post aims to help you work toward being less victimized by your clutter (rather, the stories you tell yourself about why to keep things) and more in control, more proactive in the solutions.
“Guilt is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.” - Dr. Brené Brown
Guilt sounds like this:
“Oh, but this was a gift from…”
It’s just that I spent so much money on it.”
“Why would I get rid of it, there’s literally nothing wrong with it? I wouldn’t want to be wasteful.”
What if…we lead with grace, then change but to AND?
“I don’t love it, but it was a gift from Grandmom” —> “I don’t love this gift from Grandmom, and I know if I donate it, someone else will treasure it.”
The most important moment in gift-giving is when you receive the gift, and the way in which you receive it: the words of gratitude, the nonverbal body language, the enthusiasm. The appreciation, the gesture. We are told it’s the thought that counts. This is the moment to love said gift.
But a year later, when it’s clogging up your surfaces or buried in a doom bag? Does Grandmom really and truly want you burdened? Does Grandmom want you to hold onto guilt and not surround yourself with what you love and want, bringing YOUR own unique vision of who you are, into your home?
Give yourself permission to let go of this guilt. The moment to be grateful and express joy for the gift has long since passed—and that’s what will be remembered by Grandmom. The smile on your face, the hug you gave, the moment you shared. That’s what actually matters.
You are not being disrespectful. You are not being ungrateful. You are not trying to hurt a beloved family member.
When you intentionally choose to appreciate the gift AND pass it on, you are honoring YOURSELF. You are making the best decisions for YOU.
Next, the way we beat ourselves up when we spent too much money on something we no longer want/need/use.
“I don’t really use or want this, but it cost a fortune.” So it’ll be worth the cost if it sits collecting dust on your shelf? The way it is unused and forgotten in your home justifies the expense? Challenge these thoughts. This is an opportunity to let ourselves be uncomfortable by our purchase and use it to inform future choices.
“It was expensive, and I don’t love it.” Give yourself permission to let go, and remember that discomfort the next time you want to impulsively drop a lot of money on something you like, you think you might use, you don’t really need.
The money has already been spent. You’re not getting it back. If you let yourself feel that guilt and forgive, you will do better next time. It’s not enabling or giving yourself permission to splurge haphazardly. It’s taking responsibility and bringing more awareness to how we spend our hard-earned money.
Finally, when we hold on to something because it’s pretty, it’s still functional, there’s nothing wrong with it, the underlying guilt only contributes to this clutter. If we’re not loving/using/needing it, it’s stagnant, it’s taking up space, it’s clutter.
You’re allowed to love your belongings. You’re allowed to change your mind. We can be human and admit defeat to a targeted ad campaign that tricked you into believing you HAD TO HAVE this.
Choosing generosity over guilt means that someone else has the chance to enjoy this item.
The way in which we donate guilty clutter also matters and making a conscious choice affect us for the better.
offer it to a friend or family member first
offer it via Buy Nothing or your neighborhood FB page
donate it to a nonprofit whose mission is aligned with your values
donate it to a larger thrift store with a quick drop-off
sell it and donate the money to an organization you love or a friend in need, or move the money you recoup right into savings or a future fund for your kids
My last thought on guilt is letting go with gratitude, a lesson I learned from Marie Kondo that’s stayed with me. It helps foster that abundance mindset, and it just feels good. Maybe at one time, you loved this item, it meant something to you in some way.
“If you are letting go of an item, giving thanks is also a way of properly saying goodbye, so that you can mark the end of your relationship with the item and release it without guilt. It’s a way to recognize your relationship with your possessions.” - Marie Kondo
I don’t intend to make all of this seem easy breezy and the situations are definitely not one size fits all. I certainly have clients who have complicated relationships with people who continuously gift them unneeded/unwanted items that is more about the gift giver than the recipient. There are absolutely nuances here. What I mean to say is, guilt is not meant to be a permanent place we are trapped. It’s meant to help us realign and move forward. If you are stuck in guilt, I can help you move through. Reach out for a free call when you are ready to be freed.